Finding My Niche

Living in the town I graduated high school from highlights the contrast of what it means to be in your early-20s.  Some of my classmates have one or two kids already, but anytime I’m handed a baby, I still can only hold it until it begins to cry.  Some of them are married, some are not.  Some of my classmates are well into their degree programs, or are stepping into the beginning of their career fields.  Others have been to rehab, some doing better, some continuing to relapse.  Another few make headlines for arrests, one of the few things that are heavily reported on here. And some have moved states away, never to return again.

Then there is me.  I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. I don’t. I’m not really sure who I am or what my purpose is.  And I know this is okay, in the logical part of my head.  But I am twenty-one and almost done with a bachelor’s degree, so it seems pointless to change my major now.  I know most people don’t work in the field they majored in, or I could always go back to school, but this loss of direction is tough for me. 

About a year ago, I truly thought I was being called into ministry.  But now I am feeling called away from it as a career.  And I am not sure how to articulate how confusing it is faith-wise to have been called to ministry to feel called away from it.  It feels like it is driving a wedge between me and God, which I hate. 

But I have to trust that someday, somewhere, I will figure out who I am created to be.  Someday I will wake up and realize I have found my niche.  I don’t think I need to go through a rebellious liberation or anything to figure it out. Many of the other early-20-somethings I know are trying this, and I am not convinced that is making the picture of their purpose or identity any clearer.  But I do wish I felt a bit steadier.  I know growth is not always a straight line, sometimes setbacks happen.  But I just feel like I should know who I am more than I do, after all I have lived with myself for over two decades now.  And it isn’t like I was raised with rose-colored glasses and expected some beautifully perfect life, but I thought I would know who I am by now.

Chance to contribute

Something I want to do in the next few weeks is interview people about their lives.  Ideally, I would like to get their permission to write about it, but if they would rather remain anonymous that is just fine.  I want to get to know what people love about their lives, their jobs, families, friends, hobbies, etc., so I can try to figure out my niche.  Perhaps this will help me learn about myself through others.  I am going to try to reach out to some of the people I look up to in certain career fields, but I also want to hear from locals and people connected to me personally.  If you, or someone you know, loves an aspect of their life and would be willing to be interviewed about it, please just email me at bussahannah@gmail.com and I will be in touch with you.  Thank you in advance!   

Hannah Michelle