More Strength Than Embarrassment
Hey y'all.
On this blog, I can see the number of people that have read each of my posts. I never made this blog for tons of attention or views. I made it just to have a good outlet to write, a place to update my far-away family on my life, and to be able to bring awareness to some issues.
My last post, about my "Me Too" story, has been read more than any of my other posts. While many of my posts come in at about 100-150 reads, my big mental health blog I posted got 350 views, as I allowed it to be shared. However, I kept my latest post on private, and I only posted it last Monday. I saw tonight that it has been read over 500 times. 570 times to be exact.
My first thought: NO! 570 PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT! But my second thought? Wow. Maybe I really helped some people. I started to think about the comments on my post that helped me. And I started to think about the dozens of women that messaged me, thanking me for sharing my story, and sharing their stories, too.
I really considered what it might mean for me to share my story. I held it in for months. But within a week of talking about it, I am feeling so much more free. Sure, the anxiety and lack of trust I have are still present (but they were present before this happened, too. It's not just attributed to this.), but overall, this week has given me some closure I didn't know what going to come from telling one of the most things I am most guarded and ashamed about in my life.
Sure, maybe I'm not super happy that around 570 people know this happened to me, but since at least 50 people have contacted me and talked to me after reading it, I think my sharing helped others - which was exactly why I shared. The only reason, really. I mean, I'd really rather these 570 people had read stories of the good things in my life. I'm apparently pretty funny, but did these readers get a sense of that part of me? Nope. Did they get to know that I'm smart and talented (at least kinda)? No. They read about something I've hated thinking and talking about. Something that has made me close myself off and value myself less. So not to be a braggart, but here are some cool things about me or that have also happened to me in the last year:
- Even when my mom is really upset, I can make her laugh like, at least 95% of the time.
- I did so well at the regional conference for criminal justice last fall that they are paying for me to go to the national conference this spring.
- I participated in a mock trial last week, and all 3 (real, not mock) lawyers that were there made a point to tell me I did really well, and one even talked to me a bit about law school.
- I am always trying to better myself at a new hobby. I've been learning to paint and be a better photographer (though both of these are expensive)!
- I can teach my old pup new tricks - so well that apparently my grandma thinks I train dogs for a living.
- This list has been really hard for me to type out because I hate saying good things about myself, but I am sticking through it because I think it is important to be positive.
- I love learning. I am always trying to find a way in which I can relate better with other people.
- I am focusing on being patient and being courageous. While I am still growing into these two things, I am doing better at them.
- I'm never afraid to be the first person in a food line.
- I can sing every word to every Ed Sheeran song because I love him. (Even though he's engaged. The biggest bummer of 2018 already happened.)
- I'm good at recognizing when someone isn't feeling included in a group, and trying to include them. Granted I might not always be able to pull this off successfully, but I try.
- (I'm really good at worrying and feeling like I annoy people! Thanks, anxiety.) But for a person with anxiety, especially now social anxiety, I am getting better at taking the risks I need to take to make friends. I also try lots of new things well.
Okay this was kind of cheesy, but I tried! Try to focus on your positive attributes, not your negative ones. Well - grow from the negatives, but recognize and celebrate your positives.
Thank you for helping me begin to reconcile with and grow in freedom and empowerment from sharing my story last week. Thanks for reading it, supporting me, and talking to me. If you have wanted to talk to me and just didn't know if I'd reply - I sure will! (If you haven't read last week's post yet, you can find it by hitting the "home" link on my blog and scrolling down, or by going to: http://hanmichelleb.blogspot.com/2018/01/me-too.html ).
On this blog, I can see the number of people that have read each of my posts. I never made this blog for tons of attention or views. I made it just to have a good outlet to write, a place to update my far-away family on my life, and to be able to bring awareness to some issues.
My last post, about my "Me Too" story, has been read more than any of my other posts. While many of my posts come in at about 100-150 reads, my big mental health blog I posted got 350 views, as I allowed it to be shared. However, I kept my latest post on private, and I only posted it last Monday. I saw tonight that it has been read over 500 times. 570 times to be exact.
My first thought: NO! 570 PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT! But my second thought? Wow. Maybe I really helped some people. I started to think about the comments on my post that helped me. And I started to think about the dozens of women that messaged me, thanking me for sharing my story, and sharing their stories, too.
I really considered what it might mean for me to share my story. I held it in for months. But within a week of talking about it, I am feeling so much more free. Sure, the anxiety and lack of trust I have are still present (but they were present before this happened, too. It's not just attributed to this.), but overall, this week has given me some closure I didn't know what going to come from telling one of the most things I am most guarded and ashamed about in my life.
Sure, maybe I'm not super happy that around 570 people know this happened to me, but since at least 50 people have contacted me and talked to me after reading it, I think my sharing helped others - which was exactly why I shared. The only reason, really. I mean, I'd really rather these 570 people had read stories of the good things in my life. I'm apparently pretty funny, but did these readers get a sense of that part of me? Nope. Did they get to know that I'm smart and talented (at least kinda)? No. They read about something I've hated thinking and talking about. Something that has made me close myself off and value myself less. So not to be a braggart, but here are some cool things about me or that have also happened to me in the last year:
- Even when my mom is really upset, I can make her laugh like, at least 95% of the time.
- I did so well at the regional conference for criminal justice last fall that they are paying for me to go to the national conference this spring.
- I participated in a mock trial last week, and all 3 (real, not mock) lawyers that were there made a point to tell me I did really well, and one even talked to me a bit about law school.
- I am always trying to better myself at a new hobby. I've been learning to paint and be a better photographer (though both of these are expensive)!
- I can teach my old pup new tricks - so well that apparently my grandma thinks I train dogs for a living.
- This list has been really hard for me to type out because I hate saying good things about myself, but I am sticking through it because I think it is important to be positive.
- I love learning. I am always trying to find a way in which I can relate better with other people.
- I am focusing on being patient and being courageous. While I am still growing into these two things, I am doing better at them.
- I'm never afraid to be the first person in a food line.
- I can sing every word to every Ed Sheeran song because I love him. (Even though he's engaged. The biggest bummer of 2018 already happened.)
- I'm good at recognizing when someone isn't feeling included in a group, and trying to include them. Granted I might not always be able to pull this off successfully, but I try.
- (I'm really good at worrying and feeling like I annoy people! Thanks, anxiety.) But for a person with anxiety, especially now social anxiety, I am getting better at taking the risks I need to take to make friends. I also try lots of new things well.
Okay this was kind of cheesy, but I tried! Try to focus on your positive attributes, not your negative ones. Well - grow from the negatives, but recognize and celebrate your positives.
Thank you for helping me begin to reconcile with and grow in freedom and empowerment from sharing my story last week. Thanks for reading it, supporting me, and talking to me. If you have wanted to talk to me and just didn't know if I'd reply - I sure will! (If you haven't read last week's post yet, you can find it by hitting the "home" link on my blog and scrolling down, or by going to: http://hanmichelleb.blogspot.com/2018/01/me-too.html ).
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