Where Do You See Yourself in 5 Years, 15-Year-Old Hannah?

While cleaning out my room this week, I found my autobiography project from my freshman year of high school. I decided to skim through the 140 pages, mostly to see how much my writing style has changed (drastically).  I'd just like to share...

The Book:

First things first, the title of this particular autobiography is Acting, Faith, and Music: The Life of Hannah Bussa.  Yes, please start laughing now.  There are 12 chapters, or as I called them, scenes.  I’m honestly surprised my pretentious little 15-year-old self didn’t get smacked more.

Now here’s where things just go downhill…

I said in the opening chapter that my “biggest dream” was to go to a performing arts college in NYC and end up on Broadway.  I said I ALSO wanted to be in movies or TV shows, and have my own singing career.  I ended this paragraph by saying, “If your dream doesn’t scare you, it’s not big enough.” 

Oh, young Han…. I guess I didn’t consider that I: had never been to New York, never lived in a large city alone, didn’t do well being away from my family for extended amounts of time, didn’t have the money to go to NYU, probably wouldn’t get accepted into the Performing Arts College, and had no experiences on camera. I also didn’t realize, I guess, that all of those things don’t really go together unless you are incredibly talented and lucky (I’m looking at you, Janel Parrish). Also, at 15, I thought Broadway actors did like one show a month, which isn’t the case at all. (I will say my mom told me lots of these things at this age, but what 15-year-old really listens to their mother when she tells them that their goals are pipe dreams.) But yes, this was my “biggest dream.”

Most of the next few chapters were just about my childhood and things I had done in my life. I added in a chapter about my friends, in which I started each new paragraph by saying “so-and-so is probably the most ____ friend I have,” filling each blank in with just another adjective. I followed that with a chapter in which I almost entirely wrote out the plot of The Lion King.  Why? Great question! I also described that year’s musical as “really Scottish” (Brigadoon).  

The 11^th chapter got into an interesting subject. I think I wrote this chapter, then just threw out everything I’d thought about while writing it for the next five years. 

           

Basically, the gist of this chapter was that I had just not made a play, and not made the dance team, and I was trying to decide what to do with my spring that year. I seriously wrote about finding hobbies, volunteering, and spending time helping other people. If only I’d actually done those things at the age of 15.

In the final chapter, things really just go off the rails. I said that my post-high-school plan was to study in NYC and be on Broadway for three years, then move to Hollywood and be on a TV show or be in movies.  I would have a singing career on the side, where I’d tour the world.  Then, I would have tons of money to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  (Adopting a child is the only part of all of this that I still want to do at all.)

Then, I noted how this “wasn’t that realistic.”  So, my “realistic” goal was to go into the performing arts and minor in directing, in a smaller city, like Chicago.  After college, I wanted to be on a Broadway Across America tour.  My backup plan was to either be a show choir coach (without a teaching degree I guess) or work at a Disney park.  

Changes

In my four years of high school, I never sat down and actually thought out and planned what I was going to do.  How did my dreams and goals really not get any more specific or better planned out in those four years?

As a teen, I never really sat down and truly thought to myself, "What do you WANT to do with your life?"  I just assumed I'd continue doing the same things - even though I was miserable.  Honestly, I don't know how I really thought I was enjoying myself, with the amount of time I spent crying.  I figured I was just tired. And apparently, I was:  I was tired of doing things I wasn't passionate about.  

Lessons Learned 

Throughout the past year, I have learned from talking with many people this general consensus:  high school does NOT prepare you for life post-graduation. At all.  No matter how much or how little you put into it. Many of the adults I talk to don’t work in anything that has to do with their degree or major.  My friends and peers don’t seem to have any idea what they really want to do in 5 or 10 years.  And my relatives that are in their upper twenties and thirties either have recently changed career paths or are planning on it soon. 

When I was younger, I thought by the time I turned 20, I’d have everything figured out, and that I’d have already fallen in love and would be starting a family.  Once I got a bit older, I figured I’d be in a different place than I am now.  You know what I’ve learned?  I love being in this place in my life.  This place where I have NO IDEA what is going to happen.  I love it.  Will I go to law school? Will I add on a journalism minor? Will I apply to the FBI? Who’s to say!  I’m just enjoying learning, and moving forward with my life. 

So no, 15-year-old Hannah.  You won’t end up on Broadway, nor will you be a famous singer.  You’ll probably never be interviewed by Ellen or end up singing in Times Square on New Year’s Eve (at least, onstage anyway).  You won’t get married when you’re 21, but that is FINE (actually, it’s great – focus on you and your career, girl).  And no, you probably won’t have your life all figured out when you are 20; but why would you want to?  The best things in life tend to happen spontaneously anyway.