random thoughts for the night
As I am sitting here in our new hammock, I am just thinking over these last few weeks and months...probably doing too much thinking honestly, but that's what happens some days.
The last few months have been so strange for me. It's nothing really that has happened in the world around me, but it is definitely different about me. I am doing so many things I would never have pictured myself to do, but I am so happy with this person I am becoming. For one thing, I handle things way better than I used to. When stressful things happened to me, I used to completely break down over every tiny thing. Now I just basically laugh everything off. I don't let things bother me as much as I used to, and that has made me so much happier. So while I'm never sure how qualified I am to give advice, for whatever it is worth, here is my advice for life right now:
Don't let other people decide how you feel. (I know, you just rolled your eyes a bit, right?) I actually mean this though. I used to be so focused on what other people thought of me. I don't mean like random people, but my friends and family. Here is the thing - you just have to live your life and do what you feel is right. If they love you, they'll still be in your corner after you have made some poor decisions. The point is to MAKE some decisions. I have been so indecisive my whole life, but this year, I have gained such a clearer sense of what I want in multiple aspects of my life. I've also learned what I do not want in my life. Each is a valuable lesson.
You have to be happy. I know, depression can come out of nowhere, and life is so complicated sometimes. Am I making the right decision? Let me second guess everything! Honestly, you just have to figure out who you are and what makes you who you are. You don't like this? Then don't do it. You don't want to stand by that person? Then don't. Or if you love something? Enjoy every minute of it. I have spent so much of my life trying to fit this mold of what I thought I was supposed to be, instead of figuring out who I actually am. This year, I have focused more on me. That isn't selfish, especially not at my age. It's smart. You can't truly help others until you can take care of yourself. I mean seriously, not many people start the year a music major and end it a criminal justice major. I was so focused on this image of myself I had ingrained into my mind that I didn't even stop to notice how wrong I was until much later than I should have. I thought of all of the people in my life, and what they probably expected me to be, and I never focused on what I wanted to learn, and how I could grow.
Life is about being able to look in the mirror and go: Yes, YOU. There you are, I actually want to be you. This is in every aspect of life. By looking in the mirror I do not just mean your physical appearance, but that is part of it. Last year, I looked in the mirror, and saw a scared, wishy-washy child that did not know how to step out of her comfort zone. I saw a girl that did not like her reflection. I did not look in the mirror and see a work in progress, I saw someone who had given up, and was just trying to do what she thought people wanted her to do. And now? Now, I look in the mirror and see a woman. I see someone who is growing and changing every day, more and more into this person I want to become. I see someone with a vision. I see someone who has flaws and quirks, and needs to improve this and that, but I see that improvement as a blessing. Look at me! I can be better than I am today. What an awesome thing about life! Last year, I saw room for improvement as a lack of success, a lack of worth. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who smiles more, loves more, and is actually genuinely happy many more hours of the day. And it's because I have chosen to be happier. I have chosen to remember that I am a child of God, and He didn't create me for me to hate myself and my life. He gave us life to live to the full. That is exactly what I plan on doing from here on out!
The last few months have been so strange for me. It's nothing really that has happened in the world around me, but it is definitely different about me. I am doing so many things I would never have pictured myself to do, but I am so happy with this person I am becoming. For one thing, I handle things way better than I used to. When stressful things happened to me, I used to completely break down over every tiny thing. Now I just basically laugh everything off. I don't let things bother me as much as I used to, and that has made me so much happier. So while I'm never sure how qualified I am to give advice, for whatever it is worth, here is my advice for life right now:
Don't let other people decide how you feel. (I know, you just rolled your eyes a bit, right?) I actually mean this though. I used to be so focused on what other people thought of me. I don't mean like random people, but my friends and family. Here is the thing - you just have to live your life and do what you feel is right. If they love you, they'll still be in your corner after you have made some poor decisions. The point is to MAKE some decisions. I have been so indecisive my whole life, but this year, I have gained such a clearer sense of what I want in multiple aspects of my life. I've also learned what I do not want in my life. Each is a valuable lesson.
You have to be happy. I know, depression can come out of nowhere, and life is so complicated sometimes. Am I making the right decision? Let me second guess everything! Honestly, you just have to figure out who you are and what makes you who you are. You don't like this? Then don't do it. You don't want to stand by that person? Then don't. Or if you love something? Enjoy every minute of it. I have spent so much of my life trying to fit this mold of what I thought I was supposed to be, instead of figuring out who I actually am. This year, I have focused more on me. That isn't selfish, especially not at my age. It's smart. You can't truly help others until you can take care of yourself. I mean seriously, not many people start the year a music major and end it a criminal justice major. I was so focused on this image of myself I had ingrained into my mind that I didn't even stop to notice how wrong I was until much later than I should have. I thought of all of the people in my life, and what they probably expected me to be, and I never focused on what I wanted to learn, and how I could grow.
Life is about being able to look in the mirror and go: Yes, YOU. There you are, I actually want to be you. This is in every aspect of life. By looking in the mirror I do not just mean your physical appearance, but that is part of it. Last year, I looked in the mirror, and saw a scared, wishy-washy child that did not know how to step out of her comfort zone. I saw a girl that did not like her reflection. I did not look in the mirror and see a work in progress, I saw someone who had given up, and was just trying to do what she thought people wanted her to do. And now? Now, I look in the mirror and see a woman. I see someone who is growing and changing every day, more and more into this person I want to become. I see someone with a vision. I see someone who has flaws and quirks, and needs to improve this and that, but I see that improvement as a blessing. Look at me! I can be better than I am today. What an awesome thing about life! Last year, I saw room for improvement as a lack of success, a lack of worth. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who smiles more, loves more, and is actually genuinely happy many more hours of the day. And it's because I have chosen to be happier. I have chosen to remember that I am a child of God, and He didn't create me for me to hate myself and my life. He gave us life to live to the full. That is exactly what I plan on doing from here on out!
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